The Spoon Theory describes how people with chronic illness need to ration the limited energy they have. But there are four things you may not know about being a “spoonie”.
Are you chronically ill? If so, I’m guessing you’ve heard of the Spoon Theory. It’s a metaphor that uses spoons to describe the practical challenges of living with a chronic condition or disability that has you running on a gas tank somewhere between empty and half full (on a good day).
Christine Miserandino coined the term to explain what it was like to live with lupus, an autoimmune disease. She wanted to help her friend understand that people who are chronically ill have to make deliberate choices about how they will use the limited supply of energy that they have.
She used spoons to represent the “currency” of energy. Healthy people have lots of spoons – they don’t need to consider how many spoons they’ll need to use to do what they want and need to do every day. They don’t even count their spoons! That is SO not fair.
If you’re chronically ill, you’re probably a “Spoonie”
Miserandino explained that those of us who are chronically ill have to plan our day, because we have a limited supply of spoons, and everything we do will cost us a spoon (or two, or three…). We have to count our spoons because we have to budget them. We are “spoonies”.
That’s the Spoon Theory. You want to run to the grocery store? If you’re healthy, that might cost you a spoon, but no worries! You can just pull another one out of the drawer when you need it.
But if I go to the grocery store I have to calculate the number of spoons I’ll have left and then determine the best way to spend them for the rest of the day. Would I like to go for a walk? Do I need to do laundry? What about cooking dinner? I guess that’s what frozen pizzas are for.
Fatigue: one of the common struggles of the chronically ill
To fully understand what it means to count your spoons, you have to understand fatigue. One of the first facts I learned about fatigue is that it isn’t just physical – fatigue can be mental as well. Regardless, fatigue isn’t just being “sleepy”. It’s a persistent feeling of tiredness and exhaustion. Right down to the core. It’s a lack of energy that feels constant. And a nap or good night’s sleep won’t really fix it. Because it’s chronic. That’s the type of fatigue that the Spoon Theory is describing.
I thought I understood the general concept behind Spoon Theory. When I became chronically ill I had to start putting the theory into practice.
I realized that there were four things no one had ever told me about the Spoon Theory.
1. I may not get the same number of spoons every day.
2. My spoons are different sizes.
3. My spoons aren’t worth as much as they were yesterday.
4. I can save my spoons for tomorrow but I might not be allowed to use them.
1. I may not get the same number of spoons every day.
Spoons are sort of like a paycheck (one that’s always too small). I thought I could budget based upon how many spoons I could expect to have each day. The problem with budgeting is that it assumes that there is a predetermined amount of currency (in this case spoons) to plan against.
Chronic illness simply doesn’t work that way. I might have eight spoons on Monday, a dozen spoons on Tuesday and three spoons on Wednesday. And I have no idea why.
If you’re chronically ill you might find that there’s a lot of unpredictability in your level of energy from one day to the next. You might feel lousy one day and you can’t necessarily tie it back to a bad night’s sleep or some activity that consumed all of your energy. And then you might feel (almost) normal the next day.
It’s like heading to the gas station and discovering that your car holds fewer gallons of gas than it did the last time you filled it up. You still need to plan a trip but now you’re a little less sure about when you’ll run out of gas. That’s what it’s like when you can’t count on getting the same number of spoons every day.
2. My spoons are different sizes.
I’m learning to accept that my daily allotment of spoons isn’t predictable. But I’ve also noticed that they’re not even the same size. I’m sure you’ve seen the spoon illustrations with the spoons that all look identical to each other.
My spoons don’t look like that. I’ve got a wild assortment of spoons: a gravy ladle, a wooden spoon, a slotted spoon, a dinner spoon and some measuring spoons. Sure, I might have 10 spoons, but ¼ of a teaspoon isn’t going to get me very far.
I know you can relate. In your head, you’re thinking “I’ve got this – I know what to expect today.” It’s not until you take a moment to inventory your spoons that you realize that your spoons aren’t so predictable.
3. My spoons aren’t worth what they were yesterday.
When we’re chronically ill, it’s can be difficult to describe an “average” day. You may have a day where you were able to do all of the things you needed and wanted to do. But a day or so later you realize that the same tasks demand a lot more energy. Somewhere along the line that two-spoon task doubled in price. This is how chronic illness works. It has plans of its own. It laughs at our expectations. And it teaches us that assuming anything isn’t a safe bet.
4. I can save my spoons for tomorrow but I might not be able to use them.
When I was diagnosed with myositis I was suffering from crushing fatigue and weakness. The kind that I couldn’t “push through”. It didn’t matter how much I slept or how much I rested, I had no energy. Zero.
There were days when I literally did nothing except dress myself (sometimes putting a sweater on over the t-shirt I wore to bed because I didn’t have the energy to take off one shirt and put on another).
One day I planned to go for a drive – I wouldn’t be the one driving, but my daughter would take me just to get me out of the house. I thought I’d have enough energy to do this – I’d planned for it, after all, and had had plenty of rest. Wrong. I got dressed, and I may have even put my shoes on. But I just couldn’t do it. The thought of having to walk outside to the car was more than I could do.
Oh, the best laid plans. I thought that by saving my energy I’d be able to invest it in another activity on another day. But my spoons had either disappeared or lost their value, like a stock that tanked overnight. Maybe tomorrow it would be worth more. Maybe not.
Use your spoons wisely!
So when you count your spoons, count them for the day. Pace yourself but don’t push yourself. Spend them wisely but generously and enjoy them – no matter how many you have, how big or small they are or how much they’re worth.
Great post. Yes, I’m a fellow Spoonie. My husband now understands what spoons are and when I talk about using them up for the day he knows what that means. You’re sure right about every day giving you a different number of spoons. I’ve been very lucky lately but don’t ever take the extra spoons for granted.
You are so right about never taking our spoons for granted – it was one of the lessons I learned early on, and I haven’t forgotten it.
So identify with all you explained. Especially the idea that the number of spoons changes from day to day. I love your closing. It dums up my daily goal. Spend generously with care. I pace during the day, but I’m going to use my spoons and appreciate them when I have them.
Your comment is timely – today is one of those days where I feel like I’m a couple of spoons short. I definitely need to use them wisely today!
💗We learn to be gentle, present, and patient.
Sorry, I’ve lived with chronic illness for over 30 years and when I first heard the term “Spoon Theory”, all I could do was roll my eyes. It’s very hard to explain to others the seriousness of the conditions from which we suffer and the difficulty we have trying navigate our lives. Doing it in a way that makes others take us seriously is even harder.
Even though I completely understand the concept of the “Spoon Theory”, the childish term, and even worse one, “Spoonie”, seem demeaning and add a (albeit unintentional) lightness to something that is anything but light. There are other ways to say the same thing to make people understand the daily strain with which we wrestle without making it sound like we’re part of a fun “Spoonie Club”.
Unless you’re trying to make your 6 year old understand why you might not always be available, discussing the “Spoon Theory ” and telling someone you’re a “Spoonie” might cause the person you’re conversing with to humor you, but not to see you as someone struggling through a serious health issue. And to use it amongst each other as if it were a code phrase serves no purpose. It’s not as if a fellow “Spoonie” can loan you a spoon.
It’s a club that none of us wants to belong to. You are right – it is very hard to help others understand! I hadn’t heard the term until I became chronically ill, and I remember feeling like it was one way to try to explain how unpredictable things are and how we often feel like we’re at a deficit with energy and stamina. We all have different ways of coping with our conditions. I try to keep a sense of humor, because as the saying goes, sometimes if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry.